“So around what time today am I to expect your roses?” my friend’s secretary said sweetly yesterday. My friend, an attorney at a hospital, looked up from her desk at the smiling secretary.

“Unless my dad sends me flowers, I wouldn’t hold your breathe.” It was supposed to be a joke, but she heard it come out laced with bitter sarcasm.

“Ohhhhhh, that’s sad,” said the secretary and turned back to her desk. My friend later asked what the proper response was? Her situation with her ex is far to complicated to be safe for work. That piled on top of the lonely, envious, gift-less, annoying holiday is becoming, for single people, societal shame.

When I went back to my high school last week to visit some of the staff and make sure my mug will be forever remembered, the development officer said, second question out of her mouth, “So do you have anyone special in your life?” Now, I have many, many special people in my life, but assuming she was referring to the opposite sex I said, “At the end of a day writing about dudes, the last thing I want to do is deal with their passive aggression, lack of self-awareness and rampant conflicting defense mechanisms… but after I finish my book, I will.” Sure, I have an easy way out because I’m writing a book about dates and have perfected a witty and clever reply, but why ask the question in the first place.

Assuming I am dating someone “special” (because let’s be honest, I’m dating a lot of someones, but no one worthy of the conversation I’m having at the institution where I’m planning to leave my legacy!), you’ll eventually gather that on your own. I talk about everything in my life and if some poor sap happens to be part of it, his nose will be itching all day long. And if I’m not talking about him, then maybe I caught him in bed with another girl or he hit me in the face two days ago or lost our rent money in the Super Bowl. Do you really want to hear the answer? No.

A majority of the time, women like to hint in some way/shape/form when they are indeed attached. If a woman doesn’t mention it in an entire conversation or after a week and half in the work place, mind your own business because relationships are complicated.

But for tomorrow, we’ll pretend they aren’t. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Emma Dinzebach

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